The Longer You Wait, The Harder It Gets

“BE AFRAID, BE KIND OF AFRAID.”  Ah, the glory of a great movie tagline.  Even the crappy ones are fun: “TITANS WILL CLASH.” Guess what movie that was from.

Taglines are serious business in Hollywood.  They’re  used to create buzz in the increasingly cluttered pile of movie marketing.  One good line can generate free advertising for a production for years, especially if it becomes part of popular culture – “THEY’RE BAAAACK” Who doesn’t utter that little gem every time their in- laws show up?

All over the webiverse, there are lists of taglines – popular taglines, cringe worthy taglines, funny taglines.  My criteria for Suzy’s Tagline Hall of Fame is simple:

(1) Do I easily use it in my daily conversations?  Thus it must be short – unlike “THEY CAME TO SPACECAMP WITH THE DREAM OF BECOMING ASTRONAUTS…SUDDENLY…WITHOUT WARNING…THEY WERE LAUNCHED INTO SPACE…BEFORE THEY WERE READY” Seriously? Who wrote that?

(2) Can I say it without sounding like an idiot?  At my age (none of your business) and with my obvious lack of street cred there are certain things I can never say. For instance, with me, nothing will ever be “da bomb”, I don’t nor will I ever “roll with my homies” and I don’t have “peeps” or a “posse”.  I couldn’t “sex up” anybody if I tried. I’d probably just stand there and giggle.

(3) If a tagline is so overused or badly used, I will not be able to choke it out. “I’LL BE BACK”  If my  Grampa Joe is using it...

Suzy’s Pantheon of Taglines:
1. “BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID” Just works in all situations – much like cursing.

2. “WORK SUCKS”  Admit it, you said this before Office Space was released.

3. “JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GO BACK IN THE WATER” The little black dress of taglines.

4. “IN SPACE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM” I once said that to a gentleman caller after a particularly enjoyable date was about to end with a furious round of hubba hubba. Except I said “In my bedroom, no one can hear you scream.” I never saw him again.

So while clever and appropriate use of a movie tagline in everyday discourse won’t make you as hip as Dennis Miller, it might make you popular enough so you don’t have to take your sister to prom.

PIECES FORM THE WHOLE

Focused attention span is a response to a stimulus that attracts attention. After about 8 short seconds the subject will likely look away, return to a previous task or think about something else. (still with me?) 


That’s just one reason why everything - scripts, movies, dates - have to start at the top of the rollercoaster.  The sheer volume of devices and information fighting for our attention has produced an impatient, concentration deficient public. Instant rice, sound bites, viral videos, smart phones .... BRB, I just got a text.


A strong beginning doesn’t guarantee a successful script, movie, or relationship but it may keep the public interested longer than the time it takes to flush a toilet. Even the Universe understands the importance of starting with a bang.  Or God, if you go that way, started with light. Very dramatic!   Although now, execs would give Him only 3 days instead of 7 to find his audience.  


There are some well -known classic movie openings that have defied era, genre and budget like Touch of Evil and Saving Private Ryan. I like those too, but allow me to present some of my favorite beginnings. They may not start with an explosion but they left a strong impression and a great desire to keep watching.  And these films did not disappoint.


1. “Body Double” 
Jake Scully, an affable young guy, comes home early from work. He walks slowly down the hall to his bedroom.  He can hear his girlfriend giggling and laughing behind the closed door. Jake is smiling, trusting, unaware. You sit there, cringing, unable to look, with knowledge of the impending carnage. You whisper under your breath, “Don’t go in there”.  It’s as bad as any horror movie when he does.  


2. “The Social Network”
Eight pages of rapid fire, perfect (I say “perfect” and mean it) dialogue that actually begins before the Columbia logo ends.  You’re already behind.  The perfect (yes, again) introduction to the guy that invented Facebook.