Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Longer You Wait, The Harder It Gets




“BE AFRAID, BE KIND OF AFRAID.”  Ah, the glory of a great movie tagline.  Even the crappy ones are fun: “TITANS WILL CLASH.” Guess what movie that was from.

Taglines are serious business in Hollywood.  They’re  used to create buzz in the increasingly cluttered pile of movie marketing.  One good line can generate free advertising for a production for years, especially if it becomes part of popular culture – “THEY’RE BAAAACK” Who doesn’t utter that little gem every time their in- laws show up?

All over the webiverse, there are lists of taglines – popular taglines, cringe worthy taglines, funny taglines.  My criteria for Suzy’s Tagline Hall of Fame is simple:

(1) Do I easily use it in my daily conversations?  Thus it must be short – unlike “THEY CAME TO SPACECAMP WITH THE DREAM OF BECOMING ASTRONAUTS…SUDDENLY…WITHOUT WARNING…THEY WERE LAUNCHED INTO SPACE…BEFORE THEY WERE READY” Seriously? Who wrote that?

(2) Can I say it without sounding like an idiot?  At my age (none of your business) and with my obvious lack of street cred there are certain things I can never say. For instance, with me, nothing will ever be “da bomb”, I don’t nor will I ever “roll with my homies” and I don’t have “peeps” or a “posse”.  I couldn’t “sex up” anybody if I tried. I’d probably just stand there and giggle.

(3) If a tagline is so overused or badly used, I will not be able to choke it out. “I’LL BE BACK”  If my  Grampa Joe is using it...

Suzy’s Pantheon of Taglines:
1. “BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID” Just works in all situations – much like cursing.

2. “WORK SUCKS”  Admit it, you said this before Office Space was released.

3. “JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GO BACK IN THE WATER” The little black dress of taglines.

4. “IN SPACE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM” I once said that to a gentleman caller after a particularly enjoyable date was about to end with a furious round of hubba hubba. Except I said “In my bedroom, no one can hear you scream.” I never saw him again.

So while clever and appropriate use of a movie tagline in everyday discourse won’t make you as hip as Dennis Miller, it might make you popular enough so you don’t have to take your sister to prom.